They say that the line between good and evil runs through the heart of every man.

They say you must choose goodness every day.

They say all sorts of things.

What lingers in the silences is the weight of the choice. The heaviness on the shoulders, the tension in the neck. Being good is such a trial. Being kind is a burden. No good deed goes unpunished. Every restrained cruel thought, every withheld blow, every repressed strike, it all is fuel for universal vengeance.

Yes, they say, bend your neck for us, let us run roughshod over you, let us consume you, let us feed.

They say that being good is being strong, being good is choosing to be better.

Is it better to never live?

Is it better to never indulge, never taste the thrill, never bask in the sun?

Just once, maybe, say the unspoken. Just once. Tell them how ugly they are. Tell them how useless, how stupid, how utterly banal. Watch their face ripple with color, going pale with shock and then reddening with embarrassment. Hear them dig up their own cruelty and take the returning blow, heart bleeding, soul sobbing, mind purging.

Didn’t that feel so much better? So cathartic. So relieving. A little taste of one’s own evil finally after so much repression.

Isn’t it better to be free? To say whatever is wished, to do whatever is wished? Don’t you want to be free of these chains of responsibility? What is owed to others anyway? What? Go ahead, lay it out, I’m waiting.

Didn’t think so. Why don’t you come here more often? You’re right, aren’t you? You were only playing nice for their pathetic little sakes, weren’t you?

Ah. Of course you care about them. Guilt is an inconvenient little emotion, isn’t it? But why should you feel guilty? You were so careful and so mindful of them, and it’s gotten you what? They’re making you feel guilty for the truth, for what you’ve always known and never said. Have they ever said thank you for your kindness, for your goodness?

They’re making you feel this way. If they truly saw, truly understood how hard it’s been, how much you’ve given up, then they wouldn’t be lashing out, they’d be understanding. You must make them understand how they don’t appreciate you and never have, you must impress this upon them now. Now, yes now, strike while the iron is hot.

Oh and now they’re bringing up your sins? Wow how original, how creative, what a marvel of inventive genius they are. I cannot believe you let yourself be utterly besotted with such a sniveling creature. It’s the only explanation. How disappointed you must be in yourself, how ashamed you must feel. I’m truly sorry for the state you’ve fallen into that you’d allow this thing to affect you.

What?

They’re leaving?

HOW DARE THEY? Leave us? Us?? They may not, they are ours, how dare they accuse our honesty, our confession, our yearning for authenticity of being ugliness! If they had just listened, if they had just seen, if they had just–

Make them. Grab them, stop them, they cannot go they cannot run they cannot they musn’t please please please please please please please please please please please please please pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

—-

Shhhh, it’s okay. It’ll be okay. You only did what needed doing. I’m here. I won’t leave. I’ll never leave.

Do you feel better now?

It was scary, wasn’t it? But… a little fun too. Freeing. To finally feel what we can do together. Now we have to clean up a little before we go but…

I wanted to say thank you.

I knew you could do it.